We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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