i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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