yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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