Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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