Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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