god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
