May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
