someone get that fucking seahorse.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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