It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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