saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
