i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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