She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
