Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry my hands just texted you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize
