Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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