508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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