I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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