I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
