You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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