I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Say something about gay babies.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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