She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
