You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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