im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want to make out with him forever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
