Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
