we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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