yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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