So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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