I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
