the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
