who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
