We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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