Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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