On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Less talking, more tequila
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
