He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
