I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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