last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your penis caused this!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
