I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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