Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
