Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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