it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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