I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
