can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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