You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
