I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
