My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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