Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
