2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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