My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
