Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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