the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
