party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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