1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well I just put wine in my tea
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
