I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
tell me about the eggs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
