was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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