Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is the high leading the old right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
