And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
