when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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