I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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