A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
