So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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