I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
