Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
