just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
