Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
