Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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