Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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