Cold hands, warm shart.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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