no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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