there's paper in my vomit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
