If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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