feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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