Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
