Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
