I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I want to make a zoo with you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
