well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I need to stop coming to work sober
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
