batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Boobs are out for the taking
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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