don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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