Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
