So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
