well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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