can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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