If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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