dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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