He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
