You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
