I am in a vortex of obligation.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
