i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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